My professor at Wharton always said, 'you can marry more money in 5 minutes than you can make in a lifetime, even at Goldman Sachs.'
- Obama wants to raise taxes on people making $250k a year.
- (laughs) Why is he raising taxes on the poor?
Getting married is betting some chick half your net worth that you’ll love each other forever.
She’s hot, but not ‘risk half my net worth’ hot.
My next wife probably hasn't even started middle school yet.
The lottery is just a way of taxing poor people who don't know math.
An online IQ test should just be one question: Would you be willing to spend twenty minutes taking an online IQ test.
Wall Street’s intern problem - hiring rich kids in exchange for business from influential families, aka bribery.
JPMorgan wasn’t the only bank hiring rich kids in exchange for favors from their parents.
Diversity, to an Indian, is hiring a Paki.
- Are gingers part of our diversity program?
- I'd rather have full-on alopecia than be ginger.
I don't get intimidated by people, unless it's an Asian with a British accent.
Foreigners probably can't tell if someone is retarded or just has a Boston accent.